


4 a.m Is The Hour For Little Sluts And Bacon Boys

by KawaiiCommunism



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Grocery Store, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fluff, Friendship, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:47:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25114126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KawaiiCommunism/pseuds/KawaiiCommunism
Summary: Dave Katz a hopeless romantic always fantasized about meeting his soul mate. Even when his soul mark appears as a trashy tramp stamp he still craves meeting said person. He goes as far as to take a job that he hates in hopes of meeting them. Maybe on a cold March night his dreams will come true?
Relationships: Dave/Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves/David "Dave" Katz
Comments: 30
Kudos: 274





	4 a.m Is The Hour For Little Sluts And Bacon Boys

The job really really sucked. 

1.30 a.m to 5.30 a.m working in a bleak downtown convenience store. Dave really hated it and knew he should give it up and his sister had even given him so many contacts of interior design firms that were willing to give him an interview. Dave just could not bring himself to take her up on it though; being the hopeless romantic that he is.

Dave stayed in this job because he just knew he needed to be here in order to meet his soulmate. When the first thing your soulmate says to you becomes etched on your skin on your 13th birthday it really begins to dictate the choices you make after that. Sure some people will lie and say that they are not going to live a life in hopes of meeting their soulmate but Dave just could not fathom how anyone would want to live like that. He came from a family of hopeless romantics and his sister will deny it but she goes to set dances and clubs all the time simply because across her forearm it says 'I’m so sorry I’m an awful dancer'. So each week she goes and everyone knows she hates dancing. 

At least what she has is cute though, at family gatherings she will gladly roll up her sleeves to show it off only for friends and relatives to gush at how polite or sweet the gentleman in question must be.

Dave’s soulmate was sadly not as considerate. Oh no from what Dave could guess his soulmate was a dirty minded, foul mouthed and much to the dismay of his mother, not Jewish. Across sweet Dave Katz’s lower back in well what you would consider the tramp stamp region in scribbled handwriting with hearts dotting all the I’s was the work of poetry that read:

'Holy Shit, I always thought you were talking about sex not trying to sell me bacon at 3 a.m'

Dave could still remember waking up that morning and running to his sister's room when he couldn’t find the writing himself. “Oh my god Davey what the hell” she had shouted in horror. Sure people had some weird soul marks but nobody Dave could think of had something like that. It really did say a lot about his future soulmate for that to be the first thing they say.

Ah yes, having those kind words across his back caused anyone who saw it to laugh. Also because of the placement of it, it was revealed the majority of times he lifted his arms. Dave wasn’t embarrassed by it though he actually agreed that it was funny. What makes it funnier is for the first few years of the mark's existence everyone assumed it was a foul mouthed lady. Dave always knew however that this bacon lover was definitely a man.

On the eve of Dave’s 13th birthday, he tried to imagine the amazing quote that would appear on his skin. He always hoped it would be commenting on something mutual they could share maybe something along the lines of “oh you're listening to the doors, I love the doors". He fantasized about the dashing musical stranger. His mom fantasized about Hebrew letters showing up on him that maybe a nice girl would speak to him in synagogue.

When Dave came out at nineteen his mother's exact words were " Well isn’t that great, the vulgar non Jewish man isn’t that something to write to grandma about". The joke was on her though because Dave did in fact send his grandmother a two page letter on both his gayness and that he was going to love this man's colorful language and odd diet from the moment he met him. His grandmother posted him back a birthday card so he assumed she took it well.

Dave often wondered what he would say to evoke such a response. He soon learned not to dwell on it when he became obsessed with every euphemism related to bacon. Dave never wanted to eat bacon before and after learning all said euphemisms he knew he would never want it in the future. Could Dave kiss this bacon loving beau? Was that non kosher? He assumed it would be fine. When Dave saw the job advertisement for graveyard shift at the local store he knew he had to take it. Ah yes at this crummy cash register wedged between the liquor and the scratch cards Dave Katz was going to fall in love. The question however was when.

Four years into the job Dave was starting to wonder if that was real. For March the weather was freezing and Dave was shivering as he made his way into the canteen. Diego was already sitting there downing his coffee. Of everyone working in the store, Diego was defiantly Dave’s favorite that was probably just because they both equally hated the place and Diego was only there to make money for his justice degree.

" Its god damn cold" Diego swore as he rubbed his hands together trying to get some feeling. They still had 10 minutes before their shift started and god were they going to sit and wait." It's supposed to snow so there shouldn’t be too many people in" Diego beamed. Diego always was happier when it snowed considering his mark literally said ‘Isn’t snow great, it keeps all the idiots at home’.

Diego stretched out his arms "Come on Katz let’s get this over with". Dave followed at least tonight would be a shorter night than others. 

Diego was right it was quiet but truthfully this only made working harder for Dave. He always counted the clock to 3 am always watching the cold meats for a dashing young man. At least Dave hoped he was a young man. God what if he was twice Dave’s age. Is it rude that Dave hated that?

The lull of customers continued until it reached the pivotal hour of 3 a.m. As always Dave gave a quick once over of his appearance, sure he was wearing an awful yellow smock but he could still make his hair nice and smell good. He could see Diego snickering " Poor Katz always dolling up for the mysterious bacon boy". Dave glared back at him before Diego continued " I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again anybody out buying breakfast meat at this hour is clearly nuts".

Dave sighed 3.15 and still no soulmate. Just like nearly every other night of the last four years. “My sister’s friend says she can get me an interview for an interior design firm," Dave said. Diego rolled his eyes at him “Dave your crazy that you have gone this long without getting a job for your degree".

"Hey" Dave interjected "I do freelance work".

" Uh huh and you organize it so it doesn’t clash with your job here, Dave you are literally giving up bringing home the bacon to sell the bacon". Dave admitted defeat from Diego’s mockery “I’m gonna clean the fridge" he declared. Diego was not really listening though.

God, it was nearly 4 a.m already. Diego was right the snow really was keeping everyone away. Dave was still cleaning while Diego was trying to fix their credit card machine which never wanted to work. Dave had offered to do it for him but Diego was adamant on learning for himself.

Suddenly the front door chimed and a man walked in and oh dear god was he the most beautiful man Dave had ever seen in his life. He was wearing totally inappropriate clothes for the weather, wearing a skirt with neon leg warmers and a velvet coat that seemed to be chosen for style over practicality. God was it working on him though.

He must have noticed Dave staring at him because he winked at Dave before walking up to Diego to speak to him. Dave couldn’t hear what the mystery man said but he could hear Diego’s outburst of disgust.

" Uh uh no! way get out Klaus" 

Ah so this was Diego's brother Klaus. Diego mentioned him a couple of times how he was their recovering addict brother who could be a huge pain in the ass. 

" Come on Diego, I locked myself out just give me your key" 

Dave heard Klaus pleading with Diego who was clearly having none of it. When Klaus starts making puppy dog eyes he finally hears Diego break " God fine, but you are buying groceries for me because I have nothing". 

With this Klaus jumps into the air " Oh Diego you know your my favorite". 

"Ah yeah aren’t I just mother Teresa" Diego cursed as he poured himself a fresh coffee from the pot he and Dave kept at the register. Klaus put headphones in as he grabbed a basket and started roaming around the store. When he passed Dave, Dave could not help but think god he even smelled good. 

Dave returned up the register pouring himself some coffee “So that’s the famous Klaus" he beamed. Diego rolled his eyes " In the flesh, little bastard went out for a walk without a key and well he knows we shouldn’t leave him out alone in the middle of the night".

Dave smiled as he watched Klaus on the security system at the registers. He must be enjoying the music he was listening to because he was drumming his fingers on shelves and moving rhythmically through the store. God he was full of energy considering it was 4 a.m. Dave wondered if Diego knew he was staring so he quickly began tidying the fridge again. Maybe this would distract him from Diego’s gorgeous brother.

He heard the beeps of the register as Diego scanned his brother’s items.

" Dammit Klaus do you not have any cash" Diego yelled. Ah so Diego must not have been able to fix the credit card machine, he sighed and turned to Dave “Katz get up here you’re going to need to come up and fix the card machine again".

When Dave got up to the register he saw Diego and Klaus had already bagged everything. The two seemed to be arguing a typical sibling manner ignoring everything around them when Dave began tinkering with it. " Klaus I swear behave yourself for 5 minutes I’m going to drink my coffee outside for a bit of peace". 

" Love you Diego" Klaus sang blowing kisses as Diego went to stand outside. There was a window behind the checkout so Dave and Diego both would often take step out breaks. Plus Dave really did not mind being left alone with Diego's hot brother.

Since Diego had been messing with it Dave was taking longer mending the machine. Klaus was now twirling his bank card between his fingers and bringing it to his lips. Was he trying to draw Dave’s attention there? As Dave finished rebooting he gestured down to the machine.

" Right, I’m ready now if you want to stick it in"

Dave said the words innocently meaning the card in the machine. He realized immediately however how his words may have come across and judging from the look of shock on Klaus's face he was surely going to die of embarrassment.

Dave was about to correct his error when Klaus suddenly spoke up.

“Holy Shit, I always thought you were talking about sex not trying to sell me bacon at 3 a.m”

Dave peered down into the bag that Diego had packed and sure enough there it was crispy Canadian bacon.

"Oh my god," Klaus squealed. Before Dave even knew what was happening Klaus had climbed onto the cashing area and was grabbing Dave’s face. Klaus held Dave’s cheeks for a moment " Gosh I could never have imagined you this pretty". 

With that Dave closed the gap between them, taking Klaus lips on his as if they had always done this. Klaus wrapped his legs around Daves's core and Dave lifted him up, his weight felt natural in his arms. The kiss was heavy, this was something they had both been waiting a long time for. They continued the kiss until they heard screaming outside and sudden banging on the window. Safe to say Diego must have seen them.

Opening the door with great force, Diego storms inside finding his brother still in Dave’s arms and both of their faces only centimeters apart. 

"What the hell I was gone like 2 minutes!" Diego is screaming now. Isn’t it great that there was nobody else in the store.

“Reach into the bag beside you” Dave whispered into Klaus's ear and without removing himself from Dave’s arms he reaches into the bag. Klaus giggles and pulls out the bacon only to receive a groan from Diego. To further his point Klaus pulls down the collar of his shirt to reveal Dave’s surprisingly nonsexual words in neat handwriting across his collar bones.

"Oh my god Dave is the little Slut" Diego laughs out. “Is that what you called me?" Dave laughs too because nuns probably considered him conservative. “In my defense" Klaus giggles " I figured you were some guy I would meet in a club, or at a drug sesh or something".

The two are about to smash lips again when Diego interrupts " Hang on the time is wrong, maybe you have a different bacon boy that’s not my brother".

Dave looks at the clock; yes Diego is right until wait “Daylight Savings!" Dave happily declares. Klaus shakes his head “Oh crap right I forgot about that". 

They kiss again. Yes, it was all worth it, here in Dave’s arms was his dirty minded, foul mouthed and above all else beautiful boy who was worth all the waiting. Dave cannot believe his luck. Klaus is still in his arms and he does not want to put him down. Judging by the way Klaus is now playing with Dave’s hair he assumes he agrees.

“Diego won’t be finished work for another hour and a half how about I take you out for something to eat " Dave smiled as he said it and staring into Klaus's eyes. Before Klaus replied he turned to Diego "Tell Bob that I quit".

Diego now smiling shakes his head “Get out of here you two, and Dave since I’m covering the rest of this shift you can keep Klaus”.

Dave is nodding in agreement “I found you; I’m never putting you down”.

Yes, he would need to eventually put Klaus physically down but he was now excited to get to know how amazing this man could be.

Klaus kisses him once more “I’m sorry I called you little Slut” Klaus jokes. Dave shakes his head “ I’m sorry I called you bacon boy”.  
“I guess 4 a.m is now the hour for little sluts and bacon boys,” says Klaus and the two of them leave for the rest of their life to begin.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so a little disclaimer, I work in a convenience store and I accidentally said the awful phrase "I'm ready now if you want to stick it in" when informing a customer that they could now pay using card. Sadly no fluff in my life only utter embarrassment as the customer and I both just wanted to ignore what I said. That being said I decided to try to make some fluff out of it. Also, I got my degree today I am fully qualified and thanks to Corona instead of going on the lash I am writing fanfiction but oh well. Hopefully, I did these two justice 
> 
> xoxo
> 
> Naomi


End file.
